


"Here, hold this"

by bluecalicocat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Is Alive, Gen, Irondad, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Meets the Avengers, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Precious Peter Parker, Teen Peter Parker, Thor (Marvel) Loves Pop-Tarts, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-18 00:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18975205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecalicocat/pseuds/bluecalicocat
Summary: Thor loves pranking everyone at the compound and they're all at least a little bit annoyed with him for it.At the end, he meets Peter Parker, who is... worthy? Oh, and Tony is just there for blackmail purposes.*AU where nothing went wrong, everyone is alive and thriving





	"Here, hold this"

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this almost a year ago and i initially wasn't going to post it, but i realized i have no reason not to? so here we are

"Voice in the ceiling, initiate recording", Thor's happy voice booms down the empty hallway on the communal floor of the Compound. He is currently wearing the type of clothes he always puts on when wanting to look like an Earthling, Mjolnir in his hand being the only detail giving him off. With a grin on his face, he starts walking down the hallway, until he reaches the opening to the large living room.

Steve Rogers is sitting on the couch, feet up on the piece of furniture so that he can lean the drawing pad against his knees as he sketches something. He barely has time to notice Thor's presence before the God opens his mouth and shouts, "Hold this!"

He draws his arm back to gain some power before throwing Mjolnir, not as forcefully as if he actually wanted to hit something, but still. Impossible to actually catch. Steve raises his free hand before he quickly glances up, ready to catch the object without realizing what it is. It's speeding toward him in a blur of grey and brown.

Steve's hand closes around the handle, and for a split second it looks like he has caught it, but then the hammer pulls his body off the couch and Steve falls on the floor with a thud, loose pages spilling out from the sketching pad and ending up on the ground. The blond groans from where he's laying on the floor as Thor roars with laughter, asking Friday to make sure she has recorded it, which she obviously has.

His feet are still up on the couch, making it look like he's just laying down on the ground for a nap and not like he has fallen off it because of a certain God's mischievous sense of humor.

"That's your idea of a good time?" Cap groans from his awkward position as Thor walks up to him, holding out a hand to help pull him up. "You know, most people have other interests, like art or science. Not throwing deadly objects at unsuspecting people."

Thor only laughs more in response.

 

Next up is Clint. The archer is seated on the kitchen island, looking out the window with a bowl of cereal on his lap and doesn't hear it when someone enters the room.

Despite his size, Thor manages to sneak through the doorway without being heard. He grins before preparing to throw the hammer again.

"Catch!"

Clint's reflexes are fast, Thor has to give him that. Suddenly his cereal isn't on his lap, and instead the archer is turning around with both of his hands out to catch whatever the God is throwing him. His hands have barely touched the object before he's falling off the kitchen island.

The sound of Clint's cereal bowl breaking is almost drowned out by Thor's booming laughter. It seems like he's enjoying himself immensely with all the trouble that he is causing.

Clint himself disappears from view as he falls down on the floor with a terrified shriek, something that he has no idea is being recorded. Nor does he know that he will be continuously terrorized by that sound for the following weeks...

"Now I see!" Thor says joyfully. "You flew through the air just like a bird, Hawkeye. That scream was also very high-pitched. Just like a bird. Your name finally makes sense."

Clint closes his eyes and wishes he hadn't eaten all those Pop-tarts last week. This payback isn't worth it.

 

When Thor finds out from the archer that some of the Avengers are training outside, he simply cannot let the opportunity pass him by. He walks outside and watches from a distance as The Falcon catches different objects that Scarlet Witch is sending his way from her position on the ground. The man has pretty good reflexes. That will be useful for catching hammers.

Knowing that the flying man is already in the right mindset to start catching things, Thor grins and prepares his throw.

"Birdman two! Catch!"

Mjolnir flies through the air and Sam Wilson doesn't even realize that it's not one of Wanda's objects when he turns in the hammer's direction to catch it. He had been pretty far away, but manages to get up enough speed to reach it in time.

Of course, that's exactly what he shouldn't have done. The hammer is heading up and away from the Compound, so Sam's abrupt shift in direction comes as such a surprise that he lets himself fly away with the God's weapon for more than a few second before finally letting go.

The hammer turns to go back to Thor's hand while Sam rights himself up, sending an annoyed glance toward the other man.

"Hey, man! Not cool!"

Wanda is hiding a smile behind her hand, trying not to show Sam how amusing she finds this. She secretly sends Thor a thumbs up behind her back. He sees it, and that makes him laugh even more to know that he has some secret sympathizers.

"You might wish to keep a better look on what is being thrown toward you next time, Birdman", Thor helpfully instructs before turning on his heels and heading back inside.

 

Tony is in his lab, working on two hours of sleep and three cups of coffee. For him, that's pretty good for it to be four in the afternoon already.

He's just finishing up a new prototype-upgrade for his armor, putting down one of his used tools on the table, when he hears the doors open. Tony doesn't turn around to look who it is before he starts typing in some numbers to the computer, getting ready to make calculations for the potential new upgrade.

"Stark, hold this!" Thor's loud voice says to him.

Tony doesn't tear his gaze away from the screen, only half-turns around and holds out his hands to get whatever he is supposed to hold for the other man.

He is not prepared for the thing to be this heavy. It pulls him off his chair, making him slide down to the floor and forcing him to look away from the numbers. Tony lets go of the object, still without looking at it, instead choosing to glare up at Thor. The other man is grinning widely at him.

The God holds out a hand, and the hammer flies back to his hand. Tony's eyes widen in realization, before he squints at Thor.

"Did you just throw a weapon at me?" he asks cooly.

"Yes, your little slide down on the floor was absolutely hilarious! Not as fun as Clint's mishap, though.."

"A deadly weapon, that could easily kill a man?"

"Yes, Stark, you have understood correctly."

"I'm gonna count to three, and when I say three, you better not be within my view, unless you want to be blasted through a wall."

Thor is gone before he gets to one. 

 

Tony doesn't leave his lab until an hour later, when he's told that Parker has arrived at the Compound with Happy. Friday alerts him that the teenager is waiting in the living area and that Thor has started a recording of that room, for some reason. That's the moment he understands the full extent of what Thor is doing.

Of course, he's recording every person trying to catch something that's impossible for them to catch. 

Hurrying toward the living room in an attempt to get there before Thor, Tony isn't so sure whether he wants to stop the God or if he actually wants to see Parker try to catch it. It could be for research purposes, Tony tells himself, to understand his spider abilities further. In reality, he knows it's for no other reason than for blackmail purposes. 

Peter Parker is sitting innocently on the couch with his phone in hand, scrolling through Instagram and grinning at the ridiculous photo of them both that Ned posted, when his enhanced hearing picks up the sound of someone's footsteps. 

It takes one more minute before the person finally reaches the living area where Peter is hanging out, waiting for Mr. Stark. 

"Here, hold this!" 

A booming voice shouts, a voice that Peter hasn't heard before, and then his spider sense alerts him off an incoming object. 

Peter's instincts tell him exactly where to hold his hand to catch it without having to even turn around. Something that feels like a wooden rod sticks to his palm, almost like the handle of a weapon. The teenager holds onto it but doesn't turn around immediately, needing to finish writing his comment on Ned's post before doing so. 

When he's finally pressed 'post', Peter's mouth falls into a comedic 'O' upon seeing the God of Thunder standing in the archway. The God looks just as surprised to see him, which is weird. 

For a few seconds, they only stare at each other, both in a slight shock.

Then Tony comes running in behind door and glances over the larger man's shoulders. For some reason he frowns when he sees Peter, but he shouldn't be surprised that the teenager is here, because Friday must have alerted him about that, right?

Peter is seriously confused. That is until he looks at his hand, where he notices both the other men are staring, and he lets out a breath upon seeing what it is that he's holding.

It's Thor's famous hammer. Peter drops it onto the couch and stands up, on the verge of starting to panic.

"Oh, uh, hello, Mr. God of Thunder, Sir.. So sorry, I didn't mean to do whatever it is I did that's making you stare like that.." he starts to ramble.

Thor raises an arm, and the weapon returns to his hand which makes the younger one quiet down. The blond takes some large steps forward until he's standing only a meter away from the teenager, looking intimidating.

Then he breaks out into a smile and clasps his free hand down on Peter's shoulder.

"You, young one, are worthy to rule the kingdom of Asgard!"

"Uh, okay", Peter says in his tiny voice. "That's.. Really cool, I guess. Right?"

He looks to Mr. Stark just to see the older man opening and closing his mouth like a fish, still speechless.

"Hey, no fair!" someone whines from above them. All three turn their heads up just to see an arm sticking out of the ceiling vent, followed by a head that they all recognize as Clint.

He drops down and lands in a crouch. "Why'd I have to get embarrassed and fall off a kitchen island and not little Spiderling?"

"Okay." Tony clasps his hands together and takes a step forward, finally having regained his composition. "No ruling of any far away kingdoms until you're at least 45. Wait, scratch that. No ruling of any far away kingdoms, end of statement. And no lifting and especially no throwing of the hammer! Nope. Not dealing with that. I already have to deal with one child throwing deadly weapons at people for fun."

Peter has no idea how that's a completely normal sentence to hear someone say, or when his life became like this, but he laughs along with the others as Thor throws an arm around his shoulder and starts talking to him, immediately comfortable in the other one's company.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a story called "the stark home for genius teenagers" if you like reading about peter parker and irondad, though i haven't updated it in over a month... :/
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
